Wisdom teeth

After two years of avoiding the inevitable, I finally got all four wisdom teeth extracted last Wednesday. I can't even begin to describe how nauseatingly nervous I was. Being the anxiety-prone person that I am, all the worst-case scenarios kept swirling in my mind - what if I don't wake up? what if my nerve is permanently damaged? I tried to imagine what it would be like to be dead, to be non-existent. And it terrified me. Clearly I know that a dead person isn't conscious of anything, so he can't possibly care that he's dead. But the living me was so horrified at the idea of "not being". Not feeling, not knowing, not sensing. It honestly petrified me. And what about my family? I was scared for them too, wondering how they would handle it if somehow the anasthesia backfired and went wrong somehow. I know wisdom teeth surgery is a basic surgery compared to all the other more complicated procedures out there, but any surgery still presents a risk, and I just thank God that it went smoothly. I am grateful. =)

I don't know why, but it's always the misty, lonely landscapes that capture me most. I like brooding skies and forests that breathe silence. I really like how slender and dark and beautiful tree branches look in rain, with the slight mist curling up into fern-green leaves, and the tree just soaking up everything. At moments like those, I can really, really feel how alive the tree is. I'll always remember walking among the redwood trees in Oregon with my family, and how hushed the atmosphere was and how sacred the trees seemed illuminated by faint beams of sunlight. It was like a scene from a fairytale, everything struck me as so ethereal, and I just wanted to stay there forever.

I've been trying to go to sleep making a list of all the things I'm grateful for. :) It really makes me feel happy!