Midnight prayers

I've known for quite some time that I wake up thinking in the middle of the night, and once I even woke up processing a math problem I couldn't quite solve the night before. But I've also noticed lately that I've been sending up prayers in the wee hours of morning, as soon as I surface into a groggy consciousness of my surroundings. It's funny, I think, that these midnight prayers are often the most sincere and honest words I offer to God, since my mind is unguarded and all defenses are down. I feel the most earnest, the most vulnerable, during those early morning hours, and my heart cries out like a small child.

Happy Friday and Happy Halloween! I hope every child gets plenty of delicious chocolate and candy! I hope they have fun dressing up as tiny ladybugs and princes and M & M's! =) May your pumpkin-shaped tin pails be full of goodies! Eat them before your parents confiscate half the treasure hehe. =)

Sow a thought, and you reap an act;
Sow an act, and you reap a habit;
Sow a habit, and you reap a character;
Sow a character, and you reap a destiny.

- Samuel Smiles

Goodbye, bowl!

The weather is finally becoming more wintry, and I get to walk to my morning classes with the gentle kiss of mist brushing against my cheeks and lips. I love winter. One day I want to just stand in a big field of snow with my face turned to heaven and my hands stretched forward to catch the falling snowflakes. And after I get too cold (which won't take that long), I'll cuddle under the blankets in a log cabin and sip hot chocolate with a good book tucked under my arm and my loved ones nearby!

Today I broke a glass bowl. I don't even know how it happened -- all I remember was walking into the kitchen and feeling the bowl slip out of my grip. I watched as the bowl crashed onto the tiles and splintered into white fragments across the kitchen and living room carpet. I'm a little saddened because no matter how many other bowls there are in the world, I will still miss this one particular bowl! It was a special bowl if only because I shared so many breakfasts and meals with it (good memories of honey-bunches-and-oats with soy milk)!

Life is infinitely fragile and precious. And it's interesting to think that my life story and perspective is only one tiny pixel in a colorful and ever-changing TV screen! One grain of sand next to the ocean or a single thread woven into a complex and beautiful tapesty. But no matter how small our lives and actions may seem, our individual capacity for love and compassion is as big as the universe!!

So everyone -- SMILE! =)

I felt frustrated, but it faded away quickly, and I now I just feel pity and so much love.

I just want to be an obedient daughter and make him happy and proud.

Dreams

Nature's perfume: a rose in bloom, the fragrance of a ripe peach, ocean breeze carrying the promise of a faraway land, the air of a starry autumn night, the scent of a lover's skin.

I spent my shower time reflecting on all the things I want to see in this world, all the landscapes my eyes hunger to feast on. I want to see everything from lonely meadows of heather stretching into the horizon, to artsy cafes in the winding streets of Paris, to palm trees swaying under a balmy Hawaiian breeze, to the blue-tinted mountains of Switzerland. Life is so interesting. =) So many books I want to read, places I want to go to, food I want to sample.

Meanwhile, I'm enjoying college life -- the rushed days of studying and cramming balanced with days of pure leisure and companionship. =) Yesterday's DDR session made me realize once more that DDR is actually quite tiring: I even get a bit exhausted watching Yunlin's feet pound against the DDR pad with such delirious speed!

Spirited Away

I am currently listening to the "Spirited Away" theme song in the lull of evening. The notes fall like crystal. I especially like it when there's a moment of tension in the melody, and only a few notes are played, slowly and with such precise beauty that my heart almost aches.

At this moment, I truly do feel "spirited away".

More on the White Rose

On "Sophie Scholl and the White Rose":

As I read this novel further, I'm astounded by the moral courage demonstrated by the members of the German resistance group, the White Rose. I sometimes wonder what I would have done in their position. Would I really have rebelled against Hitler's tyranny knowing that my dissent might lead to arrest, to torture, to death? Or would I have criticized the regime internally but conformed on the outside? I sometimes find it difficult to cling onto my values even today, so what would it have been like standing up as an individual during such a tumultous period, when even the slightest criticism against Nazism was considered a criminal offense?

I feel such an overwhelming admiration for Hans and Sophie Scholl and their friends -- I can almost sense their strong characters and convictions emerging from each page. I especially like the character of Chrisoph Probst, who "radiated an essential sweetness and kindness that was combined with intellectural curiousity, introspection, and an astounding maturity. He was never afraid to show tenderness and love." If I could be described like this some day after my death, it would be the greatest honor. =)

Sophie Scholl and the White Rose

I woke up this morning planning to read my econ text book, but somehow I picked up "Sophie Scholl and the White Rose" again and couldn't put it down.

"After all, one should have the courage to believe only in what is good. By that I do not mean one should believe in illusions. I mean one should do only what is true and good and take it for granted that others will do the same." -- Sophie Scholl

Her optimism inspired me in so many ways this morning. =) I admire how she could still maintain faith in human goodness despite the innumerable attrocities and brutalities occuring in Germany at the time. When I read that quote, I felt blessed that Sophie's lessons and wisdom could transcend time and space, offering words of courage and inspiration to me as I sit at my desk more than half a century after her death.

In other news, this week has been sprinkled with jolly-ness!

1) Eating yummy cookies from Sweet Adeline's

2) Suite reunion at Barney's (Maui Waui burger! MmMMMm!)

3) The Amazing Race

4) Endless, futile search for Dollar Curry House

5) "Body of Lies" --> thought provoking movie!

More details on each later! It's time for class! =)

Zachery Beaver Came to Town

I really should have been studying for my history midterm, but instead I relaxed on the comfy couch watching a movie with my mother. The film was called "Zachery Beaver Came to Town", and I choose it precisely because it seemed like a light-hearted children's film. Instead, I found myself deeply moved by watching the 12-year old main character, Toby, confront simple but essential life lessons of friendship, death, and growing up. Toby's world seemed to fall apart when his mother left the family in pursuit for a singing career and when his childhood hero died during war. Furthermore, the arrival of a 443-pound boy into town posed questions of what it truly means to understand and accept someone. The themes may sound cliche, but the movie explored them with such innocence that I couldn't help but be caught up in this simple tale!

In other news, it feels good to be back home again! The only sad thing was that my mom vacuumed a cricket even when I pleaded with her to release it into the garden. I covered my hands over my ears when she turned on the vaccum and refused to look as the poor cricket met its fate. Dear cricket, I hope there is an insect heaven somewhere out there, where you can roam vast, fragrant fields and grow plump on yummy cricket food!!

Okay, I have to really study now!!

Thoughts at 7 am

One of my favorite things to do is watch the heavy darkness of the nighttime sky lift -- shades of dark, velvety blue slowly melting away into an aqua tapestry tinged with golden sunlight at the horizon. And above this bar of whimsical gold floats fleecy white clouds and the graceful figure of a crescent moon.

What does the morning bring but a promise of the future?

The earth keeps spinning, spinning, suspended in the vast universe, a tiny dot among the millions of burning stars. Meanwhile, my life unfolds before me one day at a time, like a rose which unfurls one petal, and then another, to the warmth of the sunlight. The lessons I'm learning at this stage of my life are life lessons, ones which I hope will help me understand the purpose of being one soul inhabiting a tiny planet floating in immense space.

"Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand." James 5:8

I have been neglecting the Bible lately. God seemed so distant. But yet, I feel a strange stirring in my heart, the realization that He is the one I instantly turn to in times of agony, the one I utter unconscious praise when I hear a beautiful melody, the one who I share my intimate joy with. If Jesus was real, He would have been someone I deeply admired and respected and followed -- for yes, you cannot help but love someone that good.

Donuts!

One of my all-time favorite routines-- skipping to UGBA 10 lecture with Keith (rather, I skip and he swaggers) while savoring a delicious chocolate donut! I love gazing at all the rows and rows of delectable donuts and brownies and slices of cakes before handing over my 95 cents! I love chewing slowly so I can let the sweet bread and chocolate layer melt into every single taste bud! I love the warm feeling in my stomach when I'm done eating! I love sharing this happy morning routine with Keith!

Life is full of little joys! =)

Discovery

How long does it take to understand a human soul, a human heart?

The more I get to know my roommate, the more I realize how beautiful she is.

As I watch the clouds move outside my window and listen to the gentle melodies of piano music, I feel my eyes become moist. How can beauty be so inspiring and yet make my heart ache so much? Is it because we fear that beauty, purity, and goodness are merely transient--delicate flowers threatened to be blown away by the wind? No matter what, I want to continue believing in my fairy tale.

Trip to San Francisco!

Lots of people celebrated Lovefest in San Francisco yesterday! I visited the city to accompany some friends on their shopping missions, but the day turned out to be much more interesting than merely browsing through racks of clothing. Firstly, I was so amused by the number and variety of costumes people were traipsing about in. My favorite was a big yellow banana costume. =) There was also a man dressed up in Roman-like white robes with a wooden staff and many women wearing fluffy, colorful skirts and ribbons. Secondly, I realized just how enormous the Union Square Macy's building is! Angela and I felt incredibly small and lost navigating our way through numerous flights of women's clothing and accessories. Thirdly, my heart leaped with joy when Emily suggest buying DESSERT! Of course, the hardest part is always deciding on which dessert to purchase: the gooey satisfaction of a chocolate cake or the creamy goodness of gelato? At the end, a couple of us ate Haagan-Daaz bars (vanilla with almonds embedded in a layer of chocolate) while eyeing the petite cakes arranged so prettily within a glass case. The cakes looked too beautiful to eat-- many were fashioned with delicate ribbons of chocolate and edible flower-shaped decorations!

San Francisco is a city of romance: when I walk through the streets, I can almost breathe the air of mystery and light-hearted charm. It's an old city, but young at heart. =)

Rain

I woke up to the melody of rain pitter-pattering upon the window pane. It made me think of all those nights when I've laid awake and listened to nature's gentle lullaby. Wherever I've been in life--whether oceans away in Southeast Asia or right here in Berkeley--this experience always produces a strange sense of being suspended in time, of being the only one awake as the world sleeps.

I like rain. =) I like splashing through puddles and huddling with friends beneath umbrellas!

“The day will come when, after harnessing the ether, the winds, the tides, and gravitation, we will harness for God the energies of love. And on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.” -- Tailard De Chardin

I wanted to end this journal entry with a quote which moved my heart the first time I read it. =) Humans work so hard to control their external environment and to subjugate nature, but what about the powers within us, like love and faith and hope -- qualities which shape a human character much like we try to mold the landscape of the earth?