shrimp and oats/honey health bars

how can I stand here with You
and not be moved by You?

- Everything -

Funny... I woke up this morning with this song in my head. =) I realize...that I wake up thinking.

Sigh. Is this a lesson in patience? I've been waiting so long for this e-mail, but it's not coming, it's not coming, it's not coming. =( And I know it might be my fault.

=) poem =)

I've found a Bible-reading timetable in my morning devotional, and I intend to follow it! =) This morning was another one of those relaxing Saturday periods where I just listened to soothing music, wrote in my diary, and reflected upon the week's events. I never really think about it, but how lucky I am to be young! Just imagine if my hands were creased with wrinkles and bulging blue veins, or if my bones were brittle and old, or if my mental capacities were failing. I must remind myself to be grateful everyday for my sixteen years! =) Also, I must strive to write in my diary at least weekly; I've discovered that I remember very little about my late childhood years - ages eight through twelve - and that's "muy mal". Losing memory of those years means losing those years themselves! Actually, I don't remember much from age 0 to 5 either... I must quickly jot down my memories so I won't forget more and more.

The only thing I'm really materialistic about is stationary ( or stationery ). I couldn't care less about cars or clothes or furniture, but my stationary collection really really makes me smile!!! =)

I asked God for strength, that I might achieve,
I was made weak, that I might learn humbly to obey.
I asked for health, that I might do greater things,
I was given infirmity, that I might do better things.
I asked for riches, that I might be happy,
I was given poverty, that I might be wise.
I asked for power, that I might have the praise of men,
I was given weakness, that I might feel the need of God.
I asked for all things, that I might enjoy life,
I was given life, that I might enjoy all things.
I got nothing I asked for -
but everything I had hoped for.
Almost despite myself, my
unspoken prayers were answered.
I am, among all men,
most richly blessed.

Anonymous Confederate Solider

And I heartilyagree! =) I, too, am richly blessed! I wish I knew who wrote that simple but eloquent poem.

Everyone who has read my entry today, please do three things:

1) tell your family members that you LOVE them
2) tell your friends that you LOVE them
3) tell God that you LOVE Him!

and eat a raspberry chocolate ice-cream cake, if you can get one! =)

shhhhmile!

Today's highlights ---> chocolate mochi ice-cream, Spanish Harry Potter, baby power scent

Pleasanton Library is such a peaceful place to be! I could spend long afternoons there just browsing through the books or skipping into the Children's section where all the little rosy-cheeked cherubs are musing over picture books.

Oh yeeeaah, the stores are beginning to sell holiday-themed candy again! Here comes the shelves of pumpkin-shaped peanut butter cups and plump packets of little orange and black jelly beans. I never liked Halloween very much, though. But with Christmas comes those minty-fresh candy canes and Santa Claus lollipops and innumberable bits and pieces of festive candy. Yes, I can't wait till Christmas! I can't wait to hear "cheeeessnuuuts roasting over open fire" or "i'm dreaming of a white Chrrrrissstmas!" on the radio. Oh yeah, let's not forget the white-fudge Oreo cookies, or the red-and-green tinsel decorations, or the pine trees with their pretty golden baubles and strings of popcorn. =)

Hmmhmmm.

=D Smile, everyone! =D

things that crack me up ( like cracked egg spilled across a shiny kitchen countertop ) - my mother's "deafness", having rowdy "Wheel of Fortune" dinner competitions, typos and spelling errors, Helen Oleynikova, Helen Oleynikova, and um... Helen Oleynikova! (Yes, Helen, you're a thing hahaha)

Every time I try to talk to you, I get tongue-tied
Turns out everything I say to you comes out wrong and never comes out right
So I'm singn' ‘Why don’t you and I get together and take on the world
And be together forever
Heads we will and tails we’ll try again
So I'll say why don’t you and I hold each other and fly to the moon
And straight on to heaven
Cause without you they’re never going to let me in’

- Why don't you and I lyrics-

=D Dadeedum. =D

How nice it would be to sleep for one hundred years, then to wake up and see how the world has changed! I have a pretty mental imagery of icy blue citadels, smooth roads of crystal, misty pinnacles, and eskimo-hooded people traipsing to and fro hearding oxen, their breaths coming out in little white puffs. I'm so tired today... I could flop into bed right now and never wake up. But sometimes it feels soooo delicious to be this exhausted, to curl up in my warm blankets and pat my favorite polar bear stuffed toy, to count the glow-in-the-dark stars on my ceiling.

I'm so glad my sister has spent three or so weeks at home. How I love her!!! The "goofy" things we do like running zig-zaggedly ( if there is such a word ) across roads, frantically scrambling for money to pay the cashier, playing silly pranks, "trespassing" into the front yards of the mansions near Pleasanton to peer through the windows... There is no one in this world I feel more comfortable aroundddddd. Those Pleasanton houses.... are gigantically enormously hugemongous, with their sweeping stone driveways, overhanging balconies, and large panes of glass. We drove up a hill and admired the view... It felt like the whole world was lying beneath me, and I was floating above. Why is it that humans are constantly exhilarated by being in tall places? My breath was taken away to see the hills, the valley, the tiny lego-sized houses spread out under such a brooding autumn sky.

Somehow... along the way... I've lost those "flashes", as Emily of New Moon calls them... those moments when I would be simply awed by the world's beauty, or a person's unexpected smile, or a particularly melodic note in a song. Everyone, hang on to those moments of beauty! Treasure them, clutch them close to your chest, let them inspire you. And there are so many things that are beautiful in life, if we only look closely enough, if we only peer beyond our own petty spheres and narrow goals. Sometimes I just feel like crying from how foolish I am; how little I appreciate the true fabric of life! Today... I think I'll listen to an entire CD in the dark, before I sleep.

Taking this from my sister's blog:

Ways To Reaffirm Your Love:

1) Hold his hand as if it's the first time.
2) Hold his hand as if it's the last time.

Hmmm...and now to be fair, I need to take something from my brother's blog!

There is no such thing as a useless light, when the darkness is approaching. In the dark, even the smallest of candle-flames can be a blessing, for those who are cold, and hurting. In the night, the tiniest stars can still lead a lost sailor back to safety. So, remember -- no matter how insignificant you think your light is, there *are* people looking at you, for light, and for warmth. You might be surprised.There is no such thing as a wasted life, if that life was the light for even only one person.

How wise my siblings are! And they help me with my homework! =D



Time to sleeep!eeeeeeeeepppppppp! Epep! EPPPE!

Friday

I think it's amazing how fragile the human heart can be, how just two or three sharp words can sting so much, or how even the words left unsaid weigh upon you, clammy and unmeasurably heavy. Sometimes I want to protect everyone from this type of pain, because frankly, I believe in the good side of each individual human being. And it saddens me to think that all of us have to experience this type of hurt, this jab of sorrow, so frequently in life. Today I saw a little girl in the restaurant cradling a tiny cup of white chocolate, and in that instancethat she glanced up at me, I admired her for her naivety, her fresh perspective of life, her trusting eyes, her innocence. Why do we have to lose thiese things? =( I want to stay a child forever. I don't want to worry about so many things; I don't want to be responsible for the world's innumerable problems. I just want a simple life far away from all these questions, doubts, insecurities that form a ball of congealed pheglm, choking me.

The more I see children these days, the really young ones with their tiny braids and sticky hands, the more I see how different I am from them. How there is an invisible barrier between them and me. How I cannot spend five hours daily beaming over plastic legos or miniature teapots anymore. How no matter hard I try, I can't conjure up my imaginary "dragon" friend anymore, the one who used to help me with arithmetic.

And I'm scared of how people change. Within just a few months, a person can alter so drastically...

I learned a big lesson today.

I'll try harder from now own.

Thank goodness for a forgiving God, for I've made too many mistakes.