via leilockheart.me

When I'm not busy with schoolwork or whittling away time with TV/Internet, I remember my favorite hobbies. Even in my dreams, I am thinking about books and photography and the things I'm passionate about. And when I wake, I'm filled with nostalgia and yearning, for my camera, my color pencils, for sunsets and music and literature that promise quiet contemplation.

So much has happened this summer, and I'm so happy with the way things ultimately turned out.

On a sidenote, I've discovered some of Jack Johnson's other songs, like Cocoon, and they're so calming to listen to. =)

A pink cloud

Yesterday my desk lamp flickered off, causing me to glance rightward towards it. At the same time, I saw the most delightful pink cloud through the gaps in my blinds. I immediated leaped upwards to push back the blinds and gaze at the pink cloud floating above. It was truly beautiful, and I marveled at the perfect timing of my lamp's fickle moods. =)

In other news, summer is progressing well. Each day I feel healthy and happy and balanced. I'm really enjoying my music class and am so glad I didn't switch out it during my inital week of panic when I realized I couldn't even properly count measures when listening to a song. But despite my weak (or perhaps non-existent!) musical talents, this has truly become one of my favorite classes. It made me more introspective about my musical world and caused me to truly and honestly contemplate why I'm repelled or attract to certain kinds of music. I mean, I'd always known on a somewhat superficial level why I liked certain music and not others, but never had I sat down to consider my musical autobiography and see how my tastes and preferences developed / flowed from one life stage to another. And the best part is that the class introduced me to a world of jazz and blues, genres which I'd always felt somewhat indifferent to but which I like now!! =)

Wisdom teeth

After two years of avoiding the inevitable, I finally got all four wisdom teeth extracted last Wednesday. I can't even begin to describe how nauseatingly nervous I was. Being the anxiety-prone person that I am, all the worst-case scenarios kept swirling in my mind - what if I don't wake up? what if my nerve is permanently damaged? I tried to imagine what it would be like to be dead, to be non-existent. And it terrified me. Clearly I know that a dead person isn't conscious of anything, so he can't possibly care that he's dead. But the living me was so horrified at the idea of "not being". Not feeling, not knowing, not sensing. It honestly petrified me. And what about my family? I was scared for them too, wondering how they would handle it if somehow the anasthesia backfired and went wrong somehow. I know wisdom teeth surgery is a basic surgery compared to all the other more complicated procedures out there, but any surgery still presents a risk, and I just thank God that it went smoothly. I am grateful. =)

I don't know why, but it's always the misty, lonely landscapes that capture me most. I like brooding skies and forests that breathe silence. I really like how slender and dark and beautiful tree branches look in rain, with the slight mist curling up into fern-green leaves, and the tree just soaking up everything. At moments like those, I can really, really feel how alive the tree is. I'll always remember walking among the redwood trees in Oregon with my family, and how hushed the atmosphere was and how sacred the trees seemed illuminated by faint beams of sunlight. It was like a scene from a fairytale, everything struck me as so ethereal, and I just wanted to stay there forever.

I've been trying to go to sleep making a list of all the things I'm grateful for. :) It really makes me feel happy!

You win some, you lose some.

Overall, I am so lucky and blessed. :)

Breakfast

Bread with a hint of rosemary. Fresh blackberries and strawberries already cut in bite-size pieces. Cinnamon bagels with plump raisins. Gummy multivitamins in the shape of little bears. Who wouldn't look forward to breakfast when such an appetizing meal awaits? :)