Gingko nuts

This morning I suddenly remembered the ginko nuts that my father had washed, peeled, and boiled for me. The realization that I was wasting my parents' effort gave me a sudden sickening panic. I got flashbacks of my dad (and sometimes mom) sitting at the kitchen table painstakingly peeling the thin skin from the tiny yellow ginko nuts, all for the sake of strengthening my bladder (or kidney, I forget which). How patient and uncomplaining parents are when it comes to caring for their children. And in turn, how wasteful children oftentimes are.

So I hurried to the fridge to eat my gingko nuts, hoping desperately that they were still fresh. I knelt to the ground trying to open the container in the semi-darkness, for I had left the kitchen lights off for fear of disturbing my roommate's sleep. The nuts looked a bit swollen and perhaps moldy. Still, I ventured to eat a handful, chewing them slowly and trying to ignore the strange taste gathering inside my mouth. When I finally gave up and spit them out, I was left feeling such uneasy sadness that can only come from a mixture of guilt and self-disappointment.

Yet I had no heart to throw out the rest of the ginko nuts, and they remain in the refridgerator right now.

On a tour bus a long time ago, my tour guide had told us:

"Parents' love for their children is as long as the Yangtze River. But children's love for their parents is as long as a pencil".

An exaggeration, surely, but I'm afraid the saying contains some truth.

Thank goodness for weekends and blue skies and blooming.

I am feeling unsettled about next semester's schedule, and I keep oscillating between several class plans scribbled out messily in my planner. No matter what, things will be alright. And even if I end up taking chem lab (I dread lab from the bottomest of my toes!), everything will be okay. I'll get by somehow with my pipette and my Erlenmeyer flask and hopefully a good lab partner. I'm not the best at following lab instructions, and oftentimes than not I find myself straggling behind trying to decipher what chemicals belong where.. but it'll be OKAY!! Somehow I'll get through! A dose of optimism never does anyone harm. =D

I've had my Law and Economics textbook lying before me for the last forty minutes but only managed to get through a couple of paragraphs. Therefore... I must concentrate and keep focused for now. =)

Big C

Yesterday Keith and I hiked up to the Big C into a glorious blue-orange sunset. The hill was steeper than the both of us had remembered, and every painful step upwards sent my lungs contracting into desperate spasms for air. It didn't help that my asthmatic lungs were already ticklish from the cold. I was tempted to just stop and head back down, especially because the view was already pretty good from halfway up the hill. But we kept climbing up into the dimming horizon, step by step. And the best part was Keith ahead of me and turning around with one hand outstretched. That is an image that will always stay in my mind -- perfect in its simplicity.

Thinking back about yesterday brings back such peacefulness. The world seems so quiet and still when you're so high up. Lights twinkle like tiny gems. The bay is still and dark, and the sky above stretches over the horizon in one grand celestial painting. Somewhere behind the big white moon, an angel is smiling down at world. The whole sight is like a drink I would love to imbibe thirstily at first, and then sip slowly to savor every subtle flavor (alliteration unintended!).

And we saw a deer in the darkness, which just added to the majorly-cool awesome factor of the night! =D

Wow, my ears hurt so much now because I accidentally blasted my Ipod on... I wonder if I permanently lost some hearing capacity?

It's so hard not to get caught up in the little things. No matter how much I tell myself to appreciate the big things in life, like health and family, I keep getting intensely stressed over tests and quizzes, things that shouldn't matter that much in the big picture as long as I do alright, which most of the time I do. The whole midterm season thing is truly set to ruin my health! I'm enthusiastic about the new biology material, though, since physiology is interesting (although it makes me queasy). I've grown disheartened about my Law and Econ class, mostly because I've fallen behind. But I am going to catch up, yes I am!! I just want to sit here in the library and write for hours and just sort out my thoughts, rather than head off to discussion in a few minutes. Even if I write about nothing important, the clickity-click of the keyboard is still so calming to me, and to see my messy thoughts streamlined into neat font gives me such satisfaction!

I should write more. =)