Dreams =)

Today I woke up and began thinking about dreams, and how in a sense, a dream is not any less "real" than our waking moments! After all, it involves our perception and consciousness of an environment that we think really exists while we sleep, and what makes us say that our internal reality is less valid than our external reality? And plus, dreams can genuinely affect us emotionally and affect how we view those that we dream about. I talked to my sister about this, and she added more interesting observations. I was telling her that perhaps dreams are "devalued" or "dismissed" because they're very disjuncted, and that if they were a series of coherent events that continued nightly, we would more readily treat our dream life as a double life. But she pointed out that maybe dreams are streamlined from our daily lives, and that our "continuous" real life could be just a mess of noise! I thought that was a fascinating idea. =)

Anyway, I can't believe it's Friday of spring break already! =) I feel strangely excited for everything...for the coming of summer, for stacks of books that wait to be read, for relaxing stretches on the bed each warm, sunlit morning. I have to admit--at first I felt really frustrated and stressed over my housing dilemma, but now I'm just purely eager to see where this new path will lead. If I do live in a house, it will be a completely novel experience for me, and I can't wait for new memories to be created and for deeper/new friendships to be forged. When God shuts a door, He opens a window! And I hope this window has a goooooooooood view! =)

Oh Lord You've searched me
You know my way
Even when I fail You
I know You love me

-At The Cross-

Happy Birthday, Jierie!

Happy Birthday to the dearest and sweetest sister in the whole wide world and whole wide universe! I haven't gotten you a physical present yet, but for now I offer to you what I do have--my words. =)

Jierie, I have come to realize that a person like you is rare. Few in this world have a soul so beautiful and noble, a heart so compassionate, and a mind that can transform the most mundane objects and thoughts into penetrating observations. I cannot ever express how blessed I am to have grown up with you, and how much your influence has molded my character and personality. Yet sometimes my heart aches for you, because you are so delicate and sensitive, like a frail flower growing among thorny weeds. Dreamers like you with such high, romantic expectations of the world don't flourish easily these days. You were meant for heaven, not earth, and one day (hopefully very, very, very far in the future!), you will be where you belong. =)

Only a few years ago, life was simple, and we were content to spend sunny afternoons lazily sucking honey from flowers or listening to music in the dark. But no matter where we are headed to in life, and even if we are one day separated for years and years, I srongly believe the link between your soul and mine will remain as strong and as pure as when we were two kids running through the garden, barefeet and carefree and content with just each other.

I love you, Jierie, forever and ever! =)

Thursday Ramblings

Today I had frozen yogurt for the first time--bohevian mint chocolate with fudge brownies--and it was delicious! I definitely want an ice-cream / dessert counter in my future house, and I'll have all the toppings in the world lined up neatly under a sparkling-clean glass counter. Ooohh I also want a mini-observatory with a skylight where I can gaze at the stars and figure out constellations at night. AND a huge library (like the one in "Beauty and the Beast"), with a fireplace and a crystal chandelier and ladders to reach the topmost shelves. AND cherry blossoms EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Even indoors!

My thoughts for today--Perspective is key to everything. The line between the internal world and the external environment is but a thin one, and perhaps reality is only a projection of our innermost reflections. I mean, yes, the physical world exists, but it is our perspective and past experiences that give it true meaning. I choose to believe that the world is a beautiful place, and that people have limitless potential and capacity for love, integrity, and kindness! There is good in the world, there is a passion for all things righteous and just, and there is hope!

Thoughts on a sunny morning!

Wow, I can't believe my very first year of college is ending in just about two months!

On schoolwork...

From the very beginning, I discovered that academics here at Cal involved more of the drudgery of learning and memorizing rather than the thrill of acquiring new knowledge. Then I realized everything is really a matter of perspective! While grades are really important to me, I still get excited and flushed over the introduction of a novel concept, or the scholarly enthusiasm of a professor who really, truly wants his students to learn. If I had more time and self-discipline, I would randomly attend more miscellaneous lectures (I remember walking into a lecture hall one day and asking a student there what class it was). I think, though, that the best learning experiences were the spontaneous ones--reading Newsweek, the Economist, and Times magazines in the library, or the quirky tangents that our conversations took while my friends and I were supposedly studying calculus and chemistry.


On church...

I remember Steven hounding me repeatedly to attend Friday night bible study and the weekly church service, and how I would almost drag my feet to these religious events. I am ashamed to admit that I was actually gleeful if I had a valid excuse to miss church! But over time, I found a comfortable solace in being with others who pursue a simliar pathway in life. Yet my first year in college has not strengthened my faith in God, for questions and doubts keep imposing themselves into my mind. Sometimes, I wish I could just believe like the other people in church, and then perhaps the restlessness in my spirit would calm down a little. In a way, watching the other people in my church makes me feel more distanced from Christianity, because I feel like I'm on the periphery of something I can't grasp or see but which everyone else seems staunchly to believe in. But no matter, I will doggedly keep pursuing and seeking an answer, because the possibility of eternal salvation makes the quest worthwhile. =)


On clubs...

I really enjoy being part of the Undergraduate Public Health Coalition! I like thinking that my participation and involvement has a positive impact on someone out in the world, no matter how remote he or she is from me. Cliche as this may sound, the knowledge that my work, time, and effort makes a difference makes me happy. =) The business club is alright as well--I like seeing people dressed up in professional outfits hehe!

100%

Yesterday I reread one of my favorite short stories-- "On seeing the 100% perfect girl one beautiful April morning" (by Haruki Murakami)-- about a boy and a girl, neither one of them particularly good-looking, who find their 1oo% perfect mate in each other. However, because both are skeptical that dreams come true this easily, they decide to "test" their relationship by parting and seeing if fate allows their paths interconnect again. This turns out to be a mistake, since it was already a cosmic miracle that both had even met. Due to an illness that later befalls both, their memories are swept clean of each other. They grow up, becoming productive members of society and even experiencing love up to 85% --but never finding the 100% perfect one.

In then end, the couple never reunites.

This story made me realize thats sometimes, perhaps all the powers in the universe converge for just that one special meeting between two people. It doesn't have to be lovers... the same concept also applies for friends and kindred spirits. The important thing is to always appreciate and treasure those who you have around you, because maybe they were placed very precisely in your lives for a reason we humans cannot even begin to fathom.

Basically, this post is a shout-out for you, Grace Chiu, because I miss you, and you truly are the 100% perfect friend. I am so glad I found you!

Reflections Upon Returning Home

Yesterday I saw something very interesting-- a turkey crossing the road! And it was so amusing to see cars stop and give the turkey the right of way, with drivers craning their heads to watch its slow, wobbling progress across the street. This is the type of courtesy that pleases me! =) At the same time, I felt really sad for the turkey because it seemed lost and uncertain and lonely... Human beings take up far too much room--we should leave some space for the plants and animals too!

White blossoms on trees give a bridal atmosphere to a spring afternoon. =) I am happy to be back home: no matter how many grandiose castles or mist-covered mountains I see in my lifetime, Dublin's landscape will always appear to me as one of the most beautiful. I think it's partly because there are very few tall buildings here in my hometown. This leaves the greater expense of the sky free from obstruction, and you can see the full glory of each sunset much better than in a place like Berkeley, let alone in cramped cities like Singapore or New York. But then again, every city has its own unique charm! I've even gotten used to Berkeley's urban atmosphere, with its sterner, grittier beauty. =)

Today my mom said she wished trees had white blossoms on them throughout the year. But as much as I love spring blossoms, I feel their appearance should be brief, because it forces us to appreciate them more. If, for instance, blossoms were present year-round, we would notice them far less. It is precisely because such beauty is rare and transient that we pause in our busy routines to gaze upon it with such gratitude and wonder in our hearts. Speaking of flowers, I saw some green flowers today at Costco which were ... funny-looking! I don't think flowers should be green (they looked like cabbages, and I'm not sure what type of person would pay money for them)!!

I realized I should start updating my blog more. It takes me much less time to type than to write, and I do want to have something to look back on (and perhaps even laugh at) when I'm older. That way, I'll capture a piece of my 18 year old self forever. =)

Thoughts on a Friday afternoon

I'm excited about the Nutty Run coming up on April 5th! It's basically a 5K fun run sponsored by the Undergraduate Public Health Coalition (UPHC) to raise money for Project Peanut Butter, which provides peanut butter to infants in Malawi. It's so strange: I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for breakfast today, and it didn't occur to me to be grateful for it! And yet if I were stuck foodless in the middle of some impoverished country, even the coarsest, most bitter rye bread would taste like a slice of heaven. I think we oftentimes view poverty primarily in terms of figures and statistics-- for instance, the mortality rate of infants is this or that amount. But behind every statistic is a tortured woman crying while cradling her baby. Behind every number is a flesh-and-blood human being.

I've also started to take small group more seriously. In the past, I would try to fade into the background or just say commonplace cliches when someone asked me for my thoughts. But now I find the time extremely valuable to voice my doubts and let my religious concerns surface. I find myself questioning, probing, seeking. And I try to be honest with my feelings now, even to the point where I express my vulnerabilities and shortcomings. Small group always leaves me feeling refreshed, even if the talk hasn't given me the answers to all my questions. I want to continue seeking, learning, and growing! =)

Wow, going home sooonnn... I am excited =) Excited to rummage through my old books, nibble homemade sandwiches, and slouch on the sofa while watching reruns and eating freshly cut fruits. Home is the best place to be!

Four Months =)

Today was a day of blue skies and ocean-tinted air. =)

The weather conspired in our favor today: Keith and I emerged from the BART station to a gloriously clear sky and a perfect breeze. Although we mostly window-shopped and only stood outside watching others enter the aquarium, wax museum, Ripley's-Believe-It-Or-Not museum, and cruise tours, every moment spent in laughter and comfortable silence will remain more precious than the most expensive outing ever. Plus, the Dreyer's ice-cream was reallly good, though I paid $1 extra for buying a chocolate waffle cone! There's something so special about licking ice-cream with the sun warm on your skin and the smell of the ocean adding to an already festive atmosphere. =)

Memories--

- looking at the fish tank in some random gift shop because we could not afford to buy tickets for the REAL aquarium
- looking at all the very wonderful chocolate in that one chocolate store...ah.. i can still see the barrels of rocky road chocolate and the displays of chocolate marshmellows, truffles, peanut butter cups, chocolate-covered fruits................... heaven!
- guessing which yacht each other would choose (Keith: Serendipity Me: old green-and yellow boat)
- Keith thinking that a real man was a wax statue... "He looks so REAL!"
- always missing the bus to Union Square by only a few seconds because we didn't see the very small, unnoticeable sign on the lamp post
- exploring a very Chinese-ified library and even seeing Chinese videotapes in there