Happy and thoughtful

Currently feeling very happy and touched by the surprise birthday celebration Keith and my suitemates threw for me last night! I even dreamed about the precious Godiva chocolate spilling in my backpack, which just means that I have to finish them quickly before any such terrible mishap occurs. =D In all seriousness, the thoughtfulness of the gifts meant so much to me. Even the little details like choosing an artsy gift (like the diary or the lily postcard box) or a pink, girly gift (like the pretty salmon scarf) touched me. Thank you, everyone. =)

And the fog rolling in last night while our group headed back for cake filled me with delicious tingles inside. A slight cold drizzle fell on my face and my lips. The sky brooded above, but my heart felt warm and safe to be holding Keith's hand and surrounded by laughter and familiar lighthearted voices. I have a passion for mist and a landscape that withholds something back. Bright sunshine and deep blue skies and open beaches are beautiful, but don't possess that certain mystery that mist-shrouded plains or mountains do. I lift my eyes into the horizon and wonder--- what would lie behind when the curtain is lifted, when the mist slowly parts?

My second midterm is done, and during this very, very short interval before studying for my last exam, I feel so relieved that I can actually write and read and just "be" without having the thoughts of class hovering at the back of my mind.

I really relish a cup of just water. =)

“ One wanted, she thought, dipping her brush deliberately, to be on a level with ordinary experience, to feel simply that’s a chair, that’s a table, and yet at the same time, It’s a miracle, it’s an ecstasy."

Virgina Woolf, To the Lighthouse

Plum

I wanted to eat a plum this morning, but my roommate was asleep so I knelt beside the trash can in darkness peeling the skin off with a fruit knife. It's almost impossible to describe how cold and sweet the plum was in my hand, and how each bite sent my mouth into tingles of ecstasy. Eating quietly and in darkness to avoid waking my roommate, all I could sense and know at that moment was the pure goodness of nature's sweetest candy. It was like sipping ambrosia from the cup of a god.

After eating, I brushed my teeth and splashed cold water over my face. That was refreshing as well. The simple actions of the day can bring me such intense and unfiltered joy.

The sound of water pouring out from the tap

The sound of genuine laughter

Cold water splashed over a sleepy face

Music blasted into my earphones early in the morning

The roses on my desk bathed in morning sunlight

There's something endlessly comforting about homecooked meals, simple ingredients, and the plate of mixed fruit afterwards. =)

There's something wonderfully calming about falling asleep on the couch mid-afternoon and waking up in blissful drowsiness.

Currently missing my grandmother's optimistic laughter, soy-sauce chicken, and the stories she used to tell -- the stories she'd regaled me with a million times and yet never grew old, each time embellished with new, evermore extravagant details.

Currently oscilliating between numbness and despair, and wondering whether I'd ever be resigned to this new knowledge.

The world feels tumbled upside down. I had always seen the hairline cracks threading through the surface, but refused to believe the foundation could fall apart that easily. Pain, devastation, turmoil -- these words fail to capture the sinking hopelessness and dread in my heart. I feel like curling up like a small child far away, perhaps in a meadow of buttercups and fragrant grass, blanketed by a summer breeze and the comforting blue of a morning sky.

Still, can't run away.

Thank you, Tree, for making everything better. =) You truly are a rock.