White Moonlight & Silver Kisses

2011-02-25T20:50:00.000-08:00

via leilockheart.me

2010-08-10T07:56:00.001-07:00

When I'm not busy with schoolwork or whittling away time with TV/Internet, I remember my favorite hobbies. Even in my dreams, I am thinking about books and photography and the things I'm passionate about. And when I wake, I'm filled with nostalgia and yearning, for my camera, my color pencils, for sunsets and music and literature that promise quiet contemplation.

So much has happened this summer, and I'm so happy with the way things ultimately turned out.

On a sidenote, I've discovered some of Jack Johnson's other songs, like Cocoon, and they're so calming to listen to. =)

A pink cloud

2010-06-16T08:22:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my desk lamp flickered off, causing me to glance rightward towards it. At the same time, I saw the most delightful pink cloud through the gaps in my blinds. I immediated leaped upwards to push back the blinds and gaze at the pink cloud floating above. It was truly beautiful, and I marveled at the perfect timing of my lamp's fickle moods. =)

In other news, summer is progressing well. Each day I feel healthy and happy and balanced. I'm really enjoying my music class and am so glad I didn't switch out it during my inital week of panic when I realized I couldn't even properly count measures when listening to a song. But despite my weak (or perhaps non-existent!) musical talents, this has truly become one of my favorite classes. It made me more introspective about my musical world and caused me to truly and honestly contemplate why I'm repelled or attract to certain kinds of music. I mean, I'd always known on a somewhat superficial level why I liked certain music and not others, but never had I sat down to consider my musical autobiography and see how my tastes and preferences developed / flowed from one life stage to another. And the best part is that the class introduced me to a world of jazz and blues, genres which I'd always felt somewhat indifferent to but which I like now!! =)

Wisdom teeth

2010-05-24T09:36:00.001-07:00

After two years of avoiding the inevitable, I finally got all four wisdom teeth extracted last Wednesday. I can't even begin to describe how nauseatingly nervous I was. Being the anxiety-prone person that I am, all the worst-case scenarios kept swirling in my mind - what if I don't wake up? what if my nerve is permanently damaged? I tried to imagine what it would be like to be dead, to be non-existent. And it terrified me. Clearly I know that a dead person isn't conscious of anything, so he can't possibly care that he's dead. But the living me was so horrified at the idea of "not being". Not feeling, not knowing, not sensing. It honestly petrified me. And what about my family? I was scared for them too, wondering how they would handle it if somehow the anasthesia backfired and went wrong somehow. I know wisdom teeth surgery is a basic surgery compared to all the other more complicated procedures out there, but any surgery still presents a risk, and I just thank God that it went smoothly. I am grateful. =)

2010-05-07T09:57:00.001-07:00

I don't know why, but it's always the misty, lonely landscapes that capture me most. I like brooding skies and forests that breathe silence. I really like how slender and dark and beautiful tree branches look in rain, with the slight mist curling up into fern-green leaves, and the tree just soaking up everything. At moments like those, I can really, really feel how alive the tree is. I'll always remember walking among the redwood trees in Oregon with my family, and how hushed the atmosphere was and how sacred the trees seemed illuminated by faint beams of sunlight. It was like a scene from a fairytale, everything struck me as so ethereal, and I just wanted to stay there forever.

I've been trying to go to sleep making a list of all the things I'm grateful for. :) It really makes me feel happy!

2010-04-23T13:41:00.001-07:00

You win some, you lose some.

Overall, I am so lucky and blessed. :)

Breakfast

2010-03-29T15:46:00.001-07:00

Bread with a hint of rosemary. Fresh blackberries and strawberries already cut in bite-size pieces. Cinnamon bagels with plump raisins. Gummy multivitamins in the shape of little bears. Who wouldn't look forward to breakfast when such an appetizing meal awaits? :)

2010-03-25T10:51:00.000-07:00

Had sweet potato pancakes for breakfast and listened to oldies with my dad all morning. My favorite type of spring break. I am such a family-oriented person. :)

2010-03-24T08:39:00.000-07:00

I am currently suffering from the most severe case of laziness: my stomach is growling with hunger but my legs refuse to make the short journey down into the kitchen. :D Bed seems to be the ideal place of choice for now.

Goal for summer: exercise!

Really, I'm not kidding. I can't deny any longer the benefits of exercise, and goodness gracious how scared I am of any health illness! I am going to swim like a dolphin, run like a cheetah, do pushups like a ..... student in West Point?

2010-03-24T08:37:00.001-07:00

It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.

- Albus Dumbledore

The Harry Potter series contains such little gems of wisdom. =)

2010-03-23T15:01:00.001-07:00

The childhood shows the man, as morning shows the day.

-John Milton

2010-03-23T14:14:00.000-07:00

I think every girl is looking for her Mr. Darcy.

-Keira Knightley

I've already found mine. =) Though he would surely cringe at being associated with Pride and Prejudice!

2010-03-23T09:38:00.000-07:00

There's something really classic and nostalgic about listening to the Beatles, though it was before my time. =D

2010-03-16T16:34:00.000-07:00

It's funny that I once thought getting into a good college meant my life was set. It is, in a sense, but now grad schools and jobs and the whole-grown-up-world seem to be crowding out any delusions I had about how straightforward life would be post-high school. I used to draw out elaborate plans of my future, plotting out my classes and potential volunteer activities in painful detail. I was convinced that as long as I followed my roadmap to success, I was sure to emerge with a good career! But things have turned out differently, and even better than I expected, and it's all because God has blessed with a special someone to share life with.

So really, what lies beyond the river bend doesn't matter so much when you're enjoying the company of the person rowing the canoe beside you!

I want...

2010-03-16T16:25:00.000-07:00

I want orange juice in a small plastic cup, like the kind I used to get on long airplane trips. I want summer warmth sans dreadful summer dryness. I want freshly laundered linen and poofy pillows to relax on. :)

2010-03-03T09:40:00.000-08:00

The roses sitting on my desk have the most delightful, rich, creamy colors. It's hard to concentrate on homework when my eyes keep wandering back to those softly unfurling petals, God's handiwork wonderfully manifested through every graceful line and perfect shade. =) The campus is just full of the most beautiful and delicate blossoms, and it makes me so joyful just walking to and fro class when the whole world seems to be abloom!

souls

2010-02-23T17:01:00.001-08:00

I'm glad I grew up among trees.

Now that I'm surrounded by a concrete jungle, I can only thank my lucky stars that my childhood self was very attuned to nature. It's something I carry with me up to this very day, this hunger for any patch of green or fragile pink blossom floating in the wind. Not just trees and plants, but animals too. Don't you think animals have a soulfulness in their eyes too? I'm not sure what different religions think about animals and their afterlife, but I for one can't look into a dog's eyes without feeling that it has a soul. =D I sure hope there is a doggy heaven somewhere up above!

I am currently excited about hot pot and massive mounds of steaming meat. =) And then chestnut cake after!

P.S. The more I learn about the healthcare disparities and discrepancies, the sadder I feel. The healthcare reform is really such a grave issue for many people. It's a little distressful that there are so many competing issues and groups trying to steer healthcare to their benefit, whether it's the insurance companies or the pharmaceutical giants. I must constantly remind myself that there are real people suffering behind every dry statistic and bar chart/line graph that we so carelessly glance over. This is what I like best about education, though -- becoming more aware of the world around me and becoming more passionate about issues that affect us all. I think that's the best part of learning. =)

Proteins

2010-02-23T16:46:00.000-08:00

I never knew there was so much to know about proteins until this semester forced me to confront protein kinetics, allosterics, and structure. It's funny to think these infinitesimal molecules hold so many secrets to life. Sometimes I still can't detach myself from looking at the world with a macro-perspective. I stare down at my skin and can't even begin to imagine that proteins make up the building blocks of this complex biological machinary. I learn about all these tiny molecules and their even tinier electrons in class and in the library, spending hours mulling over the bond angles and the amino-acid sequences. And yet when it comes to breathing and walking and just being, it's hard to make the connection between that micro-world and the external things about me. Its difficult to leap across that gulf that divides what I know intellectually and what I can actually perceive and imagine.

2010-02-10T13:43:00.000-08:00

It's only the third week of school and yet I feel washed out and tired. Sitting in class with a bajillion other MCB/IB majors all intently scribbling massive amounts of notes just leaves a tight knot in my stomach. Sometimes I think we're all just running and sprinting to keep up with each other, and for what? I'm not merely referring to class and grades, but about the fast pace in general and this uncomfortable, nagging feeling to accomplish something in a hectic, status-obsessed world. What's wrong with slowing down? But the moment someone tries to get ahead, the race begins yet again.

I'm certainly glad that the weather has improved over the last week, and rain hasn't been much of an issue. My favorite pink and white blossoms have already come out, whispering sweet hints of spring.

2010-01-31T09:11:00.000-08:00

Ici: Earl Grey and Peppermint Chocolate Chip.

The soft, muted colors of my ice-cream makes me happy. =)

2010-01-06T20:33:00.000-08:00

For some people, contentment comes naturally, and for others, it's a learned trait. Happiness is only temporal, but contentment? - it's a state of mind, a practised habit almost. This winter break for me has been all about delighting in little things and the simplest of routines.

And there is a difference between being resigned to one's circumstance and being genuinely content.

2009-12-29T10:52:00.000-08:00

The places we have been and the places we are rushing towards. Sometimes I create a mental map and trace my life from one place to another, chasing old dreams and exhuming buried memories, both painful and beautiful. The layered shadows of self blur, bleeding into each other like ink into paper. A scent from long ago lingers.

2009-12-28T16:07:00.001-08:00

Also wishing for a box of assorted chocolates. Truffles, peanut butter cups, orange sticks, mint sticks. Raspberry cream enrobed in a thin, rich layer of chocolate. A bite of rich praline chocolate accompanied by the crunch of almond bits.

Sigh. =)

My sister brought back the most delicious chocolate waffles from Paris. Even now, thinking about those decadent mouthfuls makes me wish for more.

2009-12-28T15:54:00.000-08:00

Wishing for a small tea cake, perhaps raspberry flavored, served on delicate blue-and-white china. I like the idea of teatime. :)

2009-12-28T15:51:00.001-08:00

It is so misty outside. Reminds me of a scene from Jane Eyre or Wuthering Heights, the same sort of dreary whiteness, the same muted colors and tired-looking trees. Yet there is a certain charm in seeing everything blanketed over.

I do so love vacations and sleeping in and lazy hours spent on the bed watching movies and reading books. =)

2009-12-14T22:12:00.000-08:00

I love animals so much.

Dogs -- the kindness in their eyes, the way they are always happy to see you, the enthusiasm with which scratch at the door when they hear you walking up the front path.

Horses -- their freedom, spirit, how they carry our burdens so swiftly and strongly.

Koalas -- their happiness, their sleepiness, their lazy lifestyle, the way they cling onto trees without a care in the world

Black Friday

2009-11-27T15:11:00.001-08:00

Today feels good.

I had eight hours of peaceful sleep. I shopped with my mom and brother, lost myself in crowds, listened to a saxophonist play Christmas music. I ate the Chinese kueh that my mother spent all morning cooking yesterday. I watched an old, tacky, but nevertheless entertaining Cantonese movie.

I am so lucky, so grateful, and so happy right now. =D

2009-11-25T11:42:00.000-08:00

Do you know why I like nighttime? It's the quiet and the darkness. After a day of bright lights and noises and an over-stimulation of all five senses, I like to just curl up beneath my blankets and savor the blankness, the nothingness. My body slowly unclenches itself from a tension that arises just from going about my daily routine.

I read online today that the average preschool toddler watches thirty hours of television weekly. That statistic simply scares the daylights out of me! I wonder how many hours I spend in front of a television or computer screen (I bet knowing the answer would frighten me into spending less time in front of anything electronic).

But in the end, it's all about balance, right? I keep thinking about a peaceful lake and ice-crowned mountains somewhere far away, pure and untouched by man's "technology" (except running water and a functional toilet, which are altogether necessary!). I want to eat bread and ham in a wooden cabin, framed by green shrubs and honey-suckles and serenaded by birds. I want to run through a meadow and take deep breaths without worrying about car exhaust and other chemical pollutants. But this place exists only in my mind for now. =) It's okay-- everyone needs a secret place, if only in their imagination!

2009-11-25T11:03:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is the day of thanks and giving and family. =D

If I were a book, what would it be like? It would be a classic fairy tale, with a princess and a prince and an ivory castle and gardens covered with vines. Cliche and commonplace, perhaps, but I want to read all about the graceful swans swimming in the lake, the fire-breathing dragon that my prince battles, the ballroom dance at the end, beneath a bright canopy of stars.

As the temperature drops with each day, it hurts me to think about the homeless in Berkeley spending each cold night without shelter.

But at least the stars are free, right?

2009-11-23T13:23:00.000-08:00

via lovemidori

The pastel colors and the simplicity of it all really speak to my heart.

It's like stepping into a children's book. =)

2009-11-23T13:18:00.000-08:00

A secret place, just the wind and the swing and an overlarge sweater.

On Courage

2009-11-22T23:50:00.001-08:00

"It is curious... curious that physical courage should be so common in this world, and moral courage so rare." - Mark Twain

My winter project: a quote book with the most inspiring, educational, and beautiful blurbs of wisdom I can find.

And books and artwork and music all day long. =)

Life is good!

Stars and Autumn Leaves

2009-11-22T08:52:00.001-08:00

I feel like I can stare forever at fall folliage without ever tiring of those pretty crimson leaves.

And do the heavens draw closer because it's winter? I've been noticing that the stars are ever so much brighter and clearer, painting wonderful constellations against the dark skies. I love it so much that my heart aches.

I never want to live in a city, where the artificial glare and noise of human activity overwhelm the crystalline beauty of nature's own starry lights. =)

Carbon atoms

2009-11-16T10:48:00.000-08:00

I am so amazed. Last week in a physics lecture, the professor showed us photographs of carbon atoms (real photos newly taken from the world's most advance microscope). And it was simply mind-boggling to think that such precise order and structure exist on a microscopic level! Makes me wonder sometimes about the sheer genuis behind creation and life, and the invisible bridge between tiny particles and the macroscopic world beyond my glass window.

Also, I had a good family gathering this Saturday with abundant food and lively conversation and an all-around satisfaction of seeing faces from my childhood. =D

Revisiting an old passion

2009-11-13T10:43:00.001-08:00

Crisp autumn air, clean and cold. It's the air and the particular fragrance of grocery stores (such as Lucky) that remind me most acutely of my first American experiences. Everything I associated with the US was big and colorful and oh-so-modern, from the Trix cereal commercials to the delicious microwaveable corn-dogs to the large, clean shopping malls. I wondered at the variety and quality of toys advertised on TV. I was amazed by the portion sizes, the fountain-sized sodas, and piles of french fries oozing out hot grease, a sure recipe for heart clogs but yet so tempting at the moment.

Ten years ago, who knew things would work out this way, or where I would be today? I was such a kid, and all I thought about was finding the elusive frog in the garden's pond, reading my Archie comics, writing long and silly epics in my little notebooks. I find so little time to write these days, preferring instead to let my mind go numb as I surf the internet, exhausted after a day's schoolwork and testing. But writing even the simplest things brings me such bliss, you know? It's relaxing. Even now I feel my body grow calmer and my mind settle into a more peaceful state; I realize again why I have always had a passion for words and for capturing experiences onto paper, though it never seems quite as vibrant, or as certain, as the images and feelings tumbling around in my head.

2009-11-05T07:18:00.000-08:00

Piggy and bear shaped dimsum buns! They are so adorable that I could never eat them, just hold them lovingly in my hand. I would gladly keep an entire zoo of these animal goodies, and I promise I wouldn't be tempted to eat them, nope nope nope!

Happy Thursday everybody!!

Gingko nuts

2009-10-16T12:51:00.000-07:00

This morning I suddenly remembered the ginko nuts that my father had washed, peeled, and boiled for me. The realization that I was wasting my parents' effort gave me a sudden sickening panic. I got flashbacks of my dad (and sometimes mom) sitting at the kitchen table painstakingly peeling the thin skin from the tiny yellow ginko nuts, all for the sake of strengthening my bladder (or kidney, I forget which). How patient and uncomplaining parents are when it comes to caring for their children. And in turn, how wasteful children oftentimes are.

So I hurried to the fridge to eat my gingko nuts, hoping desperately that they were still fresh. I knelt to the ground trying to open the container in the semi-darkness, for I had left the kitchen lights off for fear of disturbing my roommate's sleep. The nuts looked a bit swollen and perhaps moldy. Still, I ventured to eat a handful, chewing them slowly and trying to ignore the strange taste gathering inside my mouth. When I finally gave up and spit them out, I was left feeling such uneasy sadness that can only come from a mixture of guilt and self-disappointment.

Yet I had no heart to throw out the rest of the ginko nuts, and they remain in the refridgerator right now.

On a tour bus a long time ago, my tour guide had told us:

"Parents' love for their children is as long as the Yangtze River. But children's love for their parents is as long as a pencil".

An exaggeration, surely, but I'm afraid the saying contains some truth.

2009-10-09T10:31:00.000-07:00

Thank goodness for weekends and blue skies and blooming.

I am feeling unsettled about next semester's schedule, and I keep oscillating between several class plans scribbled out messily in my planner. No matter what, things will be alright. And even if I end up taking chem lab (I dread lab from the bottomest of my toes!), everything will be okay. I'll get by somehow with my pipette and my Erlenmeyer flask and hopefully a good lab partner. I'm not the best at following lab instructions, and oftentimes than not I find myself straggling behind trying to decipher what chemicals belong where.. but it'll be OKAY!! Somehow I'll get through! A dose of optimism never does anyone harm. =D

I've had my Law and Economics textbook lying before me for the last forty minutes but only managed to get through a couple of paragraphs. Therefore... I must concentrate and keep focused for now. =)

Big C

2009-10-02T10:23:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Keith and I hiked up to the Big C into a glorious blue-orange sunset. The hill was steeper than the both of us had remembered, and every painful step upwards sent my lungs contracting into desperate spasms for air. It didn't help that my asthmatic lungs were already ticklish from the cold. I was tempted to just stop and head back down, especially because the view was already pretty good from halfway up the hill. But we kept climbing up into the dimming horizon, step by step. And the best part was Keith ahead of me and turning around with one hand outstretched. That is an image that will always stay in my mind -- perfect in its simplicity.

Thinking back about yesterday brings back such peacefulness. The world seems so quiet and still when you're so high up. Lights twinkle like tiny gems. The bay is still and dark, and the sky above stretches over the horizon in one grand celestial painting. Somewhere behind the big white moon, an angel is smiling down at world. The whole sight is like a drink I would love to imbibe thirstily at first, and then sip slowly to savor every subtle flavor (alliteration unintended!).

And we saw a deer in the darkness, which just added to the majorly-cool awesome factor of the night! =D

Wow, my ears hurt so much now because I accidentally blasted my Ipod on... I wonder if I permanently lost some hearing capacity?

It's so hard not to get caught up in the little things. No matter how much I tell myself to appreciate the big things in life, like health and family, I keep getting intensely stressed over tests and quizzes, things that shouldn't matter that much in the big picture as long as I do alright, which most of the time I do. The whole midterm season thing is truly set to ruin my health! I'm enthusiastic about the new biology material, though, since physiology is interesting (although it makes me queasy). I've grown disheartened about my Law and Econ class, mostly because I've fallen behind. But I am going to catch up, yes I am!! I just want to sit here in the library and write for hours and just sort out my thoughts, rather than head off to discussion in a few minutes. Even if I write about nothing important, the clickity-click of the keyboard is still so calming to me, and to see my messy thoughts streamlined into neat font gives me such satisfaction!

I should write more. =)

When wheat ripens

2009-09-19T12:30:00.000-07:00

“When wheat is ripening properly, when the wind is blowing across the field, you can hear the beards of the wheat rubbing together. They sound like the pine needles in a forest. It is a sweet, whispering music that once you hear, you never forget.”

-Norman Borlaug

Often called the father of the Green Revolution, Borlaug discovered new ways of growing high-yield crops, which enabled many counties such as Mexico and India to become agriculturally self-sufficient.

Pretty awesome. =)

2009-09-13T09:01:00.000-07:00

Blasting music loudly through earphones and overdosing on honey-berry cough drops. =) I am waiting to hear the thunderstorms. Come on-- bring me back to those Malaysian childhood days when I would stand on the front porch and gaze at the rain pouring in heavy slanted sheets across tumultous gray skies. And those wind-whipped trees! How I stared and stared, my heart beating wildly. So close to the wetness and the chill and the wind, and yet protected by the roof above my head.

2009-09-12T09:46:00.000-07:00

Irish-inspired music on a cloudy morning, with predictions of dry-thunderstorms coming up.

A cup of hot, bitter tea to combat the flu germs inside my body.

Messy room, but too tired and lethargic to clean, so I'm merely shifting things around, as if the entropy would somehow sort itself out.

I'm endlessly fond of sitting by windows. =)

Football

2009-09-06T08:32:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I don't feel like doing anything but closing my eyes and listening to these unearthly strains of violin and piano chords, interwoven so perfectly that it's insane and I'm left breathless, heart aching.

I went to my first football game yesterday. It was an experience to feel the energy pulsating madly through the crowds and to hear my voice swallowed up by the deep chants vibrating up from the student section. I still think I prefer the quiet of a twilight walk, or an hour spent reading, but I'm glad I bought the season tickets to have this experience. Though I'm far from a devout sports fan, I still felt a powerful rush of euphoria whenever a Cal football player leaped through the air and caught the ball. =) It makes me wonder at the power and grace and agility of the human form, and the life within us which makes such feats possible.

2009-08-13T07:43:00.000-07:00

via Pink Wallpaper

I am going traveling soon, a brief vacation at the happiest-place-on-the-earth with the best-boy-in-the world! Pack my toothbrush, throw on a light sweater -- off we go! Counting down to next Monday. =)

Sisters

2009-08-13T07:36:00.000-07:00

via la la lovely

Reminds me of sitting beside my sister in a China tour bus, looking out at the expense of countryside in the blistering summer heat. We told ourselves we wouldn't forget, but even now I have trouble remembering what the promise was all about. Perhaps one of those larger-than-life lessons -- to remember how fortunate we are?

Wise child

2009-08-05T09:14:00.000-07:00

"Today, I asked my 6 year old son what he wants to be when he grows up. He said, 'Mommy, all I want to be is happy.'" MMT

Makes me think -- MMT -- Today's Thought Provoking Life Stories

Makes me think

2009-08-05T09:07:00.001-07:00

"Today in downtown San Diego, I watched a blue collar Mexican man get harassed for being Mexican. It was a blatant act of discrimination. And the man actually began crying. As he left the office building, he took off his jacket. His t-shirt underneath read, "I love the USA!" MMT

Makes me think -- MMT -- Today's Thought Provoking Life Stories

Life Stories

2009-08-05T08:36:00.000-07:00

"Today, I ran into a guy I used to tease and pick on in high school. I ran into him at a job interview. He was the interviewer. MMT"

-MMT --Makes me think -- Today's Thought-Provoking Life Stories

A kiss

2009-08-04T09:11:00.000-07:00

"A kiss is a rosy dot over the ‘i’ of loving."

- Cyrano De Bergerac

The trick

2009-08-03T09:00:00.000-07:00

The trick is to keep singing, keep singing, even when the sky is overcast and Berkeley seems trapped in an everlasting winter. My room welcomed me back this morning with the scent of faded roses and my pink comforter and all my lovely books awaiting me. =) It makes me so happy in a quiet kind of way!

I really like the sound of violins, airy and light and yet so piercing that my each melody strikes deep within me. A beautiful ache. =)

Sweet picture =)

2009-08-03T07:23:00.000-07:00

(via kari-shma)

Building

2009-08-02T20:47:00.000-07:00

I helped my father construct a brick pavement this afternoon, and in the cool summer breeze I realized how much I enjoy these father-daughter bonding experiences. I like using my hands and running my fingers through the sand. I like the weight of each brick in my hands -- it feels so solid and real. I like the sound of water gushing through the water hose and trickling out into the open, liberated. Water shouldn't be stuck in pipes; it should be running free beneath a deep blue sky and a glorious sun, exuberant and fresh!

And we have two friends living in our garden, two tiny brown mice which scutter through the weeds and the grass. I like them, but my parents certainly don't. =)

2009-08-02T20:25:00.000-07:00

An empty envelope fell out of my book, and on it I had written a quote that made me feel thoughtful.

"The hardness of God is kinder than the softness of all men, and His compulsion is our liberation."
-Surprised by Joy

Surprised by Joy

2009-08-02T20:12:00.000-07:00

I've been searching for C.S. Lewis's "Surprised by Joy" ever since I got home, and by chance I just spied it sitting beneath my bed. Something in me literally trembles with anticipation as I sit with the book on my lap. This memoir is one of my most beloved things to read. His imaginative spirit, love of the Romantic, pursuit of something called Joy, reflective and solitary spirit -- these are concepts that shook me powerfully and left a deep impression upon my teenage self. It is a book I can read over and over and over again, and each time glean new and heightened appreciation of his thoughts.

There are so many lines that just struck me. It was the first time I had underlined passages in a book. These are a few:

"I am a product of long corridors, empty sunlight rooms, upstairs indoor silences, attics explored in solitute, distant noises of gurgling cisterns and pipes, and the noise of wind under the tiles. Also, of endless books."

"Children suffer not (I think) less than their elders, but differently".

"As long as I live my imagination of Paradise will retain something of my brother's toy garden."

There is beauty in his words, and an aching yearning. I am so happy I found this book and will carry it with me back to Berkeley!

It's true

2009-08-01T21:00:00.000-07:00

(via Kari-shma)

I like

2009-08-01T08:59:00.000-07:00

I like waking up in the middle of the night and then burrowing deeper into my warm blankets with the comforting knowledge that a few more hours of sleep lie ahead. It's one of the best feelings in the world!

I like the dream-like moment between sleep and consciousness, the sensation of hovering between two different worlds, weightless.

I like playing music in the morning and and sipping green tea and planning which books to read.

I like old diaries and thoughts suspended in time.

Simple pleasures are such luxuries!

Happy and thoughtful

2009-07-30T08:14:00.001-07:00

Currently feeling very happy and touched by the surprise birthday celebration Keith and my suitemates threw for me last night! I even dreamed about the precious Godiva chocolate spilling in my backpack, which just means that I have to finish them quickly before any such terrible mishap occurs. =D In all seriousness, the thoughtfulness of the gifts meant so much to me. Even the little details like choosing an artsy gift (like the diary or the lily postcard box) or a pink, girly gift (like the pretty salmon scarf) touched me. Thank you, everyone. =)

And the fog rolling in last night while our group headed back for cake filled me with delicious tingles inside. A slight cold drizzle fell on my face and my lips. The sky brooded above, but my heart felt warm and safe to be holding Keith's hand and surrounded by laughter and familiar lighthearted voices. I have a passion for mist and a landscape that withholds something back. Bright sunshine and deep blue skies and open beaches are beautiful, but don't possess that certain mystery that mist-shrouded plains or mountains do. I lift my eyes into the horizon and wonder--- what would lie behind when the curtain is lifted, when the mist slowly parts?

My second midterm is done, and during this very, very short interval before studying for my last exam, I feel so relieved that I can actually write and read and just "be" without having the thoughts of class hovering at the back of my mind.

I really relish a cup of just water. =)

2009-07-25T09:01:00.000-07:00

“ One wanted, she thought, dipping her brush deliberately, to be on a level with ordinary experience, to feel simply that’s a chair, that’s a table, and yet at the same time, It’s a miracle, it’s an ecstasy."

Virgina Woolf, To the Lighthouse

Plum

2009-07-22T08:51:00.001-07:00

I wanted to eat a plum this morning, but my roommate was asleep so I knelt beside the trash can in darkness peeling the skin off with a fruit knife. It's almost impossible to describe how cold and sweet the plum was in my hand, and how each bite sent my mouth into tingles of ecstasy. Eating quietly and in darkness to avoid waking my roommate, all I could sense and know at that moment was the pure goodness of nature's sweetest candy. It was like sipping ambrosia from the cup of a god.

After eating, I brushed my teeth and splashed cold water over my face. That was refreshing as well. The simple actions of the day can bring me such intense and unfiltered joy.

The sound of water pouring out from the tap

The sound of genuine laughter

Cold water splashed over a sleepy face

Music blasted into my earphones early in the morning

The roses on my desk bathed in morning sunlight

2009-07-18T20:55:00.001-07:00

There's something endlessly comforting about homecooked meals, simple ingredients, and the plate of mixed fruit afterwards. =)

There's something wonderfully calming about falling asleep on the couch mid-afternoon and waking up in blissful drowsiness.

2009-07-10T08:45:00.001-07:00

Currently missing my grandmother's optimistic laughter, soy-sauce chicken, and the stories she used to tell -- the stories she'd regaled me with a million times and yet never grew old, each time embellished with new, evermore extravagant details.

Currently oscilliating between numbness and despair, and wondering whether I'd ever be resigned to this new knowledge.

The world feels tumbled upside down. I had always seen the hairline cracks threading through the surface, but refused to believe the foundation could fall apart that easily. Pain, devastation, turmoil -- these words fail to capture the sinking hopelessness and dread in my heart. I feel like curling up like a small child far away, perhaps in a meadow of buttercups and fragrant grass, blanketed by a summer breeze and the comforting blue of a morning sky.

Still, can't run away.

Thank you, Tree, for making everything better. =) You truly are a rock.

Summer school

2009-06-23T08:49:00.001-07:00

I had my very first day of summer class yesterday, and despite the initial panic of going to the wrong lecture hall, I really enjoyed the class. The professor's clarity made the pacing of the material quite even and understandable. Most of all, I like engaging my mind in new material. I almost enjoy the feeling of being stuck on a problem and having my mind race through possibilities and solutions, savoring the challenge of grasping new concepts.

But you know... perhaps I will feel differently once the first midterm rolls around? =) By then, I will probably be panicking and wishing I never took summer school at all. Basically, I like learning when there is no pressure to perform, when all that is driving me is my own personal curiousity and interest in the subject. Hehe too bad that isn't quite realistic!

What else... the weather has been warming up nicely, and even at the moment I keep glancing at the blue skies outside. So sunshiny and perfect in its vibrant colors!! Big bold splashes of pink flowers and green trees and warm, warm sunshine. =)

Peaceful

2009-06-14T22:57:00.000-07:00

Feeling peaceful and sleepy and comfortable.

I had dimsum today and the incredible luck of getting my favorite spongy cake and lotus seed paos within five minutes of sitting down. I also had delicious Cookie Connection ice-cream with all the yummy gooeyness of mashmellows and chocolate syrup!

This week has been so unbelievable wonderful. Not only have I spent it with such incredibly funny and kind people (especially Tree), but I've been so relaxed exercising at the gym, playing video games, watching TV, or just walking about Berkeley. The intensity of school will begin soon, but for now, I am just grateful for this brief interlude of pure summer. =)

Amoosed

2009-06-06T08:29:00.000-07:00

I'm amused because I can hear one of my neighbors singing loudly, and his voice is wobbling comically through my window. =)

Chrono =)

2009-06-02T16:54:00.001-07:00

While helping my mom with some literary terms, I looked up the word "anachronism".

Definition (from wikipedia): an error in chronology, especially a chronological misplacing of persons, events, objects, or customs in regard to each other.

I don't know why, but I thought it was really cool! =) I'm glad I learned something new today hehehe. I guess I should have guessed from the root word "chrono" that the term would involve time!

Feeling Good

2009-06-02T08:30:00.000-07:00

It is such a lovely and sunshiny morning, and I am currently blasting music in the golden promise of a new day! So happy right now that I'm smiling for no real reason and curling my toes into the warm blankets like a kitten (except kittens don't have toes). =)

Yesterday I visited Daiso, one of my favorite stores, and it threw me into such a rapturous state to be surrounded by so many cute and colorful things. Even mundane objects like oven mitts and aprons caught my attention because of the whimsical designs and fabric hehe. I suddenly felt like wearing a little apron and baking chocolate muffins and dancing in a sunlit kitchen!

And the car ride home with my dear mom was the best. I had forgotten the thrill of speeding down the freeway with the night falling gently upon the horizon, and the moon a bright half-opal spinning in all its wonderful celestial glory. And the coolness of the air. And clouds spread like angel wings among tiny bright stars. Truly breathtaking. =)

Ahhh feeling sleepy... the best thing about summer is those sudden, luxurious naps for no real reason at all!

Little blue balloon

2009-05-31T20:19:00.000-07:00

In the dreariness of a wintry and cloudy Berkeley, I saw one bright blue balloon bobbing up and down, and it made me instantly perk up. The wonders of a balloon! =D It makes me think of "Up" and how excited I am to watch it this summer, as well as Harry Potter of course!!!

Being back at Berkeley was really enjoyable; best of all was spending time with my ex-roommate and my future roommate. I can't wait to eat the Ferrero Roche chocolates that Charlene gave me!! I feel so dainty eating these chocolates because of the bright gold wrapping paper and the delicate layers of chocolate, nuts, hazelnut flavor melting so deliciously on my tongue. YUMMY!

I am currently missing my baby and thinking about us bowling in Albany just a few days ago. It was so funny when I realized we would be playing next to two elderly ladies, and I remember thinking how embarrasing it would be if my score was worse than theirs! But they turned out to be nice and friendly, and my baby turned out to be a bowling genius!! SO PROUD OF MY 4.0 BOY! =)

And also, it was fun movie-hopping in Emeryville, though we first had to make a dangerous journey across a bridge full of cars whizzing by. Part of me was nervous, the other part was mesmerized by the speed of the cars and the height of the bridge and the wind rushing in my face. But it was fun fun fun! =)

Laughter

2009-05-29T14:58:00.000-07:00

Cute, no? =) Makes me think of the movie my sister and I just watched, and how we laughed so hard that both of us were curled up helplessly on the floor in desperate giggles. That kind of laughter is so refreshing and so very necessary!

It has been a sleepy, quiet, all-around-good day. Combination of short stories, chocolate chip cookies, and a banana-with-honey sandwich. It almost feels like a dream, or a movie in slow-motion. =)

Simplicity

2009-05-27T12:59:00.000-07:00

Any darn fool can make something complex; it takes a genius to make something simple.

- Pete Seeger

A traveling writer

2009-05-27T08:19:00.000-07:00

via bliss

This reminds me so much of my own travel journals, bursting with childish excitement and scribbles, stuffed with airplane ticket stubs and restaurant receipts. I want to continue this tradition for the rest of my life and fill books and books with observations of people and places. =)

Dreaming in Pastel

2009-05-27T08:14:00.000-07:00

via decor8

It's true -- I am a big fan of white and pink. =)

Dreamy colors, and I can already feel that this is a start of a dreamy day. =) A perfect day to curl up in the sun with a leisure book and a plate of chocolate chip cookies. And a perfect day to dance with happy abandon to bubbly music in an empty house!!

2009-05-26T12:10:00.000-07:00

I already miss walking and the familiar pathways and the wind in my hair.

But home has its secrets and luxuries well, and I am always captured by the lingering scent of soap and green tea.

Currently listening to beautiful music and contemplating an end-of-the-year reflection entry. =)

Arabel's Raven

2009-05-15T16:54:00.001-07:00

I like wet leaves on the ground, especially the crimson imprints of star-shaped leaves against dark concrete. =)

Today I saw a big black birdie hopping about the grass, and watching it filled with me such child-like delight. It reminded me of Arabel's raven, Mortimer, and all its silly adventures. I recommend this children's book to anyone who loves quaint descriptions and pictures!

Nervous!

2009-05-14T10:17:00.001-07:00

I feel so incredibly nervous for my two finals coming up. Deep breath, deep breath, take a deep breath. It's incredible that 40% percent of my grade depends on a 3 hour exam and that one test is supposed to measure weeks of accumulated knowledge. I can only hope I studied the right things!

Recipe for yummy Yogurtland cup:

Mango and Strawberry with mochi and chocolate chips

MmmmMmm GOOD!!!!!!!!

Missing my books

2009-05-07T09:00:00.001-07:00

I really, really miss my childhood books right now. I've read many good novels during my teenage years, but none can quite live up to the simple and poetic delight of The Little Prince", "The Secret Garden", the New Moon series, "The Old-Fashioned Girl", "Little Women", and many more -- books that taught and inspired life lessons so sweetly that I was touched each time I read and reread these beloved tales. Books which contained heroes and heroines captured in everyday boys and girls. Even today I still sometimes think of the Wind Woman when a strong wind is blowing down the street and scattering leaves left and right. I think of Chen-Chen-in-the-mirror. I think of the Little Prince and how such a very little boy could be so very wise. I think of Meg, Jo, Beth, and Amy singing with their mother, their heads bent together in a sweet picture of girlish affection and daughterly love.

Yogurtland looks very promising! =) Big pink cups and sleek silver yogurt dispensing machines!! I want to be the first customer! I wonder which one of my teeth is my Sweet Tooth. Perhaps all of them? Hehehe!

I am worried that no one will clap for my economics professor today. Usually professors receive applause after delivering their last lecture, but only about a quarter of the students in Econ 100A attend class, and I'm not certain if they'll clap for her. And I'll feel terrible if she doesn't receive applause... so maybe I will try to start the clapping!

Look at the stars
Look how they shine for you
Everything you do

Yellow - Coldplay

2009-05-05T17:21:00.001-07:00

The nostalgia that comes from listening to a song that one has listened to in the past, over and over again. =)

The happiness that comes from finding a clever solution.

The warmth of familiarity.

Honey Nut Cheerios

2009-05-04T09:25:00.000-07:00

On the way to work this morning, I saw someone walking to class while eating honey nut cheerios right out of the cereal bag. Totally something I would do too. =)

A thought

2009-05-01T13:13:00.000-07:00

I'm thinking about finals and how nervous I get when my answers on a scantron sheet line up! There is that growing suspicion and sinking feeling in the stomach when the first three answers are C, the next is C, the next is C yet again, until a long vertical line creeps down the sheet and you exclaim in your head, "This just can't be right!".

I'm sure we've all been through this before. =)

I'm so happy it's Friday!!!

wisdom of the sands

2009-04-30T08:05:00.001-07:00

"The tree is more than first a seed, then a stem, then a living trunk, and then dead timber. The tree is a slow, enduring force straining to win the sky." -- The Wisdom of the Sands

In my mind, I am remembering the children sing at church, their voices sweetly mingling. Slightly out of tune, slightly unsynchronized. But so sweet and pure that I find myself standing mesmerized, head tilted and heart warmed.

Belle from "Beauty and the Beast" has always been my favorite Disney princess. She's not quite as popular as the other princesses, lacking the glamour of Cinderella or the queenly poise of Sleeping Beauty. But I like her habit of reading and rereading her favorite books and her morning routine of meandering through town with a book in her hand. I was always touched by how she cared for her elderly father and willingly imprisoned herself in a dark castle with a beast so that he might go free. And the scene where she sang alone in a meadow of dandelions? That is something I've always dreamt of doing!

The tale haunted me as child. That a rose can determine life and death. That the petals slowly falling down, one by one, could be so beautiful and yet terrible a thing.

The tale uplifted me as a child. That a selfish prince could learn to love. That a beast and a prince could be one and the same. That a man can change.

Wisdom from Saint-Exupery

2009-04-29T08:23:00.000-07:00

"If someone loves a flower of which just one example exists among all the millions and millions of stars, that's enough to make him happy when he looks at the stars." -- The Little Prince

"All of us have had the experience of a sudden joy that came when nothing in the world had forewarned us of its coming -- a joy so thrilling that if it was born of misery we remembered even the misery with tenderness." -- Wind, Sand and Stars

I can understand these quotes. =)

An observation

2009-04-28T20:39:00.000-07:00

I notice so many people twiddling with their cellphones while walking, waiting for the bus, waiting for class to start, etc. Our culture has become so technologified (a word I made up) that it's almost scary!! It's almost as if our computers, I-phones, mp3 devices, etc, are tools to cope with loneliness or boredom. It's interesting, and slightly unnerving, to see how technology is steering our lifestyles. We are so disoriented and even helpless without our various gadgets! I personally am very fond of my laptop hehe. =)

In other news, chocolates, naps, and hot showers are very, very good things. =) Small and affordable luxuries!

2009-04-28T07:59:00.000-07:00

I had a lovely Monday yesterday. =) There was tiramisu cake in the community room at work, and who am I to pass up on any type of cake (except cheese cake)? So I had a small slice and savored every creamy, sweet bite as a refreshing break from work. I actually enjoyed econ discussion yesterday -- I was intent on paying attention so that I would understand my problem set better.. and so it felt so good to be actually learning and not just a confused little girl staring blankly at models and graphs and equations!

Then Keith had a chocolatey present for me and we spent a nice lunch / afternoon together. =)

Nighttime was mostly devoted to small group and the busy chatter of eight girls trying to sort out their emotions and eager to share stories from their week. Before that, I hurried with a friend to her apartment to pick up a boardgame and I saw the most beautiful sky floating above me, and so I excitedly pointed it out to her. Her reply? "What? That isn't that nice!" And I realized that my opinion of a beautiful sky / sunset differs from many people's. I know a lot of people who like bold, exuberant colors splashed gloriously onto the sky. The sun setting in vibrant shades of red and orange.

I like those sunsets too, but I am moved most by the subtle skies -- porcelain blue sunsets tinted with purplish pink and laces of silvery clouds. I like pearl-colored sunsets. The colors aren't quite as vibrant, but the sky itself seems to hold back a secret, a mystery, which I long to penetrate. I really appreciate the subtlety, the faint blend of colors, the lone star twinkling above a purple bar of clouds. And so I tilt my head upwards and soak in the divine beauty arched above me and feel once more that there exists such a thing as devastating beauty which can both pain and uplift the heart.

I like a sky which dreams. =)

Sunday Highlights

2009-04-27T10:34:00.001-07:00

The last heat wave makes me so grateful for the current dip in temperature! I'm loving the chilly breeze and snuggling into warm, big sweaters! I like wrapping myself up in my two blankies and transforming into a warm burrito while the icy air tries to creep in. So much better than the sweltering heat and the stuffy air which swept over Berkeley last week!

Sunday highlights: As usual, I enjoyed singing during church and participating in the comforting routine of the Doxology and eating the yummy snacks after service. The afternoon was devoted to economics, although I kept distracting myself by listening to music videos and fighting off an urge to nap. Nighttime was all about unagi-don, Snakes on the Plane, and an episode of The Amazing Race which made me collapse into helpless laughter. I love laughing!

I was looking up Impressionist artwork, and I realize how much I like this particular art form! I like the dreamy qualities of the paintings and the emphasis on light and movement. Impressionist art fills me with a strange sort of yearning, delight, and strangely, nostalgia. =) It's as if I'm seeing something which I've glimpsed before in a dream or in a subconscious state. I actually haven't been to many art museums, but how I want to go!! I want to go to the Lourve! I want to go to so many museums and I want to travel!

I am currently thinking of peaches with the scent of summer, white-walled churches, kites flying over a grassy park, and sitting by candlelight. =) =) =)

2009-04-26T14:18:00.000-07:00

Found a new song I like: Clinging to the Cross.

I like duets. =)

2009-04-26T08:17:00.000-07:00

I've had questions, without answers

I've known sorrow, I have known pain

But there's one thing, that I'll cling to

You are faithful, Jesus You're true

When hope is lost, I'll call You Savior

When pain surrounds, I'll call You healer

When silence falls, You'll be the song within my heart

In the long hour of my sorrow

From the darkest night of my soul

You surround me and sustain me

My defender forevermore

I will praise You

When the tears fall, still I will sing to You

I will praise You

Jesus, praise You

"When the Silence Falls" by Tim Hughes

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I've had those dark nights before, and I'm sure many have had darker ones, when the world seems swallowed up by hopelessness and grief and perhaps even anger-- when a family member is sick, when money problems abound, when friends betray.

Still, the morning brings brighter and better things. For me, things have always gotten better eventually, and I feel blessed. No matter how dark those nights were -- when my dad was undergoing surgery, or when I cried after my sister left for college -- the sun always rose and sent hopes of warmth.

The Dalai Lama

2009-04-25T20:12:00.001-07:00

I saw the Dalai Lama today. =) To be honest, I expected an inspiring speech laced with words of wisdom, and initially I leaned forward eagerly to catch every word. My co-worker had once told me that the Dalai Lama emanates peace, and so there I was sitting on the scratchy lawn in the bright sunlight, trying to feel peace and holiness settle upon me. But it turned out that the Dalai Lama was just an ordinary man, or more ordinary than I expected. He sneezed, he scratched his head, he laughed heartily. And you know what? That was better than any mysterious and unapproachable holy man shrouded in clouds. More than anything, the Dalai Lama was an extremely likeable man, and a funny one too. I can't claim to know anything about him, but my impression was that his peace stemmed from living a life of simplicity and happiness. This was a man who truly knew what was important in life.

When asked what advice he would give to graduating college students, the Dalai Lama replied, "I don't know.. The next step is to get a job, find your partner.." The audience chuckled, for his advice was such common sense and yet his candor and simplicity were endearing and refreshing. Although I nodded off sometimes, I left the Greek Theater feeling happy. =)

Remembering

2009-04-24T11:52:00.000-07:00

I am thinking about vacationing -- past family vacations and the comforting familiarity of being surrounded by my parents and siblings even in a strange setting and a new country. I am thinking of the humid walks in China, the temples with the golden statues and the stoic-faced monks in long robes, the puffs of incense clinging to the walls. I am thinking of our boat rides through the villages and the way the waves slurped against the side of the boats and the watery slant of sunlight against tilted wooden roofs.

I am thinking about Hong Kong and the brightly lit billboards and the crowded streets with the thick, conjested traffic. I am thinking about the haze of smoke smothering me as I walk and the sadness I feel when I see people, young or old, smoking. I am thinking of delicious Peking duck and pigeons roasted to perfection and dim sum served by red-faced and sweating waiters. I am thinking of small shops lining the street selling the cutest and cheapest merchandise.

I am thinking of Australia and the white sands of the Gold Coast and the emptiness of the beach as my family and I ran up to the blue waves, as if there was no one else in the world but us. I had never seen such white sand, so fine and powdery and clean. I am thinking of the Twix ice-cream cone I was busy eating on the beach, and how astounded and happy I was to discover an entire Twix bar hidden beneath the ice-cream. That was enough to make me happy the whole day.

I am thinking of Bangkok and the children beggars lining the streets and the ache in my heart whenever I passed their tiny bodies contorted against the dirty floor. I am thinking of starting an orphanage for the children of the world, and teaching them to love and to read and to appreciate music and to help others.

I am thinking of a particular instance in China when my sister and I turned to each other on the tour bus after discussing how fortunate we were in comparison to many we had seen on our travels. We promised each other that we'd never forget what we'd seen. I don't want to forget.

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I am glad I came to Berkeley. Not only have I met the best and only Tree for me, and the funniest friends, but I've learned that the world consists of many, many types of people. I was secluded in safe and small Dublin for six years, and all I knew was surburbia and grassy parks and smiling neighbors waving hello as they mowed their lawn. I was surrounded by stability --never once did I see a homeless person on the street. Families with children, couples strolling to the movie theater, children skateboarding.. the only "rebels" were the teens with their baggy streets and their pseudo-ghetto language parading the streets.

In Berkeley, the homeless are part of the landscape. I used to be afraid when I passed them, and sometimes I still get nervous if it's nighttime. But I know they must have stories and histories, personalities and hopes. It breaks my heart.

On singing and work

2009-04-24T11:13:00.000-07:00

I feel like the laziest person ever. It's so hard to motivate myself to study, and ever since my last midterm, I've been weaving poems in my mind and listening to music and disappearing into Chen-Chen land. =) I realized that I really love singing when I walk, and sometimes I peer around to make sure no one is nearby to hear me loudly warble out Christian or Disney songs, which are my two favorite choices! I love singing in general -- in the shower, in between bites of food, during TV commercials.. Me encanta mucho cantar! =)

I'm currently at work.. I love having my own desk and my own computer and my own bulletin board. It's hard to get much privacy though, since my computer is facing the main office space, and anyone walking in and out can easily see what I'm doing. I like listening to office gossip, checking the community room for snacks, and I even like "doing work" (sometimes). Hehe But you know, I feel like I like all this because I know it's only temporary, and I can stop whenever I want to..

I've been craving some books to read, but I'm scared to purchase a new book in case it distracts me even more from schoolwork. Still, it's not like I've been studying much in the first place, so maybe I will look up some new books to read. Trouble is that I am very picky and particular about the books I read. I like inspirational books which compel me to think. I like lyrical books with beautiful prose. I like funny books which make me chuckle out loud to myself. I stay away from books like "Twilight" and romance novels, which are full of cliches, stilted language, and predictable plots. Eeps!

In other news, I am so excited for summer to come! Even though I'll be taking organic chemistry this summer, I love the relaxed feel of summer and the hours of free time eating ice-cream and reading books and spending time with my loved ones!

2009-04-23T21:03:00.000-07:00

I am sentimental, sensitive, curious.
I am a daughter, a sister, a lover.
I am in transition, caught in the middle
of years which stretch behind and ahead
I am a kite lost in the sky
A flower newly budding
A tune riding through the wind.

The Starfish Story

2009-04-23T20:39:00.000-07:00

I read a story this evening which I'd like to paraphrase. It is a story of a starfish.

Once, an old man was walking down the beach when he ran into a small boy picking up a starfish and cradling it gently in his hands. The boy was about to throw the starfish back into the water, for the sun's merciless rays had almost dried up the starfish's delicate skin. The old man observed that there were hundreds of other starfish stranded on the hot sand, and remarked, "Son, what difference is your one action going to make?"

The boy looked at him, then at the tiny starfish in his hands. As he bent down to place the starfish in the water, he said,"It makes a difference to this one", and smiled.

First Baseball Game

2009-04-23T07:50:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was such a blue-sky, cool-breeze, frozen-lemonade type of day! I watched my very first live baseball game at AT&T park, and it was better than I had anticipated. I never used to like baseball, partly due to the embarrassment from middle school / high school PE of swinging hopelessly at the ball in front of the whole class. HEHE! But yesterday, I actually enjoyed myself and paid attention to the game, cheering with the fans and groaning inwardly when my favored team struck out. Still, I think the best part was the atmosphere of it all -- the clear blue skies and sunny weather, the beautiful ball park, the fans erupting in collective cheers. And I like singing the "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" song!

And after that, we watched Disney's newly released "Earth" movie, which I thought was just SPECTACULAR! I loved seeing the little baby creatures and their adorable wonder and curiousity at encountering the world. Some parts were very sad (ex. when the predators caught the prey), but it forced me to confront the fact that survival is hard in the wild. It's very easy for me to feel removed from the rawness and cycle of nature since I'm constantly surrounded by human urbanity. I loved the intimacy between mother and child -- the elephant nudging her son along the dusty African path, or the mother whale slapping the water with its fins to reassure the baby of its presence. Nature is truly beautiful, majestic, and powerful all at once! And we have to do something about the melting polar icecaps so that polar bears can have a platform to hunt on!

The day ended with our favorite crepes and gelato. =)

Update

2009-04-19T21:26:00.001-07:00

Suffering presents an opportunity to see God.

You know, it's true that Christians tend to be troubled. Tiny tragedies hidden behind silver crosses and hymn songs. I won't deny that oftentimes I approach God when I'm sad or when the world seems to be falling apart around me. Right now I'm struggling with a sickness and have been frantically beseeching God to heal me, to make it go away, to make everything alright. And I know it's deeply hypocritical of me to run to Him when I need help and forget Him a few days after He fixes everything. Still, I hope God understands, that He sees and is somehow merciful. =)

Today our suite met up to eat dinner at Barney's and then cake at Bryan and Parth's apartment. I like how our conversations can range from cow-tipping to humanities v. tech classes to tentative plans of our future graduation trip. The heat was stifling, and it felt good to gather around the coolness of the living room (well, cool compared to outside) while eating ice-cream cake and chatting. I really do hope we get to go on our graduation / spring break trip! I think it's worth having the memory to laugh at and reminisce over in the future. =)

I read "Memories of a Boy Soldier" last Monday and felt glad to be doing some leisure reading. To read for pleasure is truly a blessing. =)

2009-04-14T20:51:00.000-07:00

Via Tea and Whimsy

2009-04-09T18:54:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I sat on the bus with a woman who painted her lips green and white and wore a construction hat full of scribbles. Although I tried to occupy my mind with other thoughts, somehow I was drawn to her colorful figure occupying the middle portion of the bus. She had a little cart full of clothing and random objects, including what looked like a plastic dog wrapped in a blanket. She talked to herself, and I strained to listen to what she had to say although I sat at the back of the bus.

It occurred to me that perhaps "abnormal" people live in a world governed by its own reasons and laws. Maybe there's no such thing as "madness" or "craziness" per se. Maybe we just label people abnormal if they deviate too far from our own societal constructs of normality. But you know... when I saw the elaborate symbols she had written over her face and hat, it struck me that perhaps to her all this was logical. Her world made sense to her, though not to me.

Continued later

Quirky

2009-04-01T22:42:00.000-07:00

Quirky.

I like that word.

It reminds me of a cheeky half-smile, a joke that lingers long after the laughter fades, memories slightly blurred by summer haze.

=)

Smile!

Golden Gate Park

2009-03-30T11:33:00.000-07:00

Words to describe Saturday: peaceful and laughter-inducing!

San Francisco and the Golden Gate Park seemed splashed in vibrant colors -- the bluest blue sky overhead, deep green trees, and delicate pink blossoms and flowers nodding their fragrant heads everywhere! For city-dwellers, the park must really seem like a breath of fresh air and a haven of greenery. I especially enjoyed the peaceful hour paddle-boating on Stow Lake while sipping a cool cherry icee and letting my mind drift away. We had trouble steering sometimes and almost collided into the bank (not to mention the effort it took to pass under the bridge) but it was so much fun gliding on the green water and watching the ducks swim past us! And it was fun running through the sprinklers and getting lost in the park (which is actually enormous!).

Things

2009-03-28T10:34:00.001-07:00

"How come everything I think I need always comes with batteries
What do you think it means?"

- Something's Missin' (John Mayer)

Things are only just that -- things. They'll break down eventually, rust away, disappear from the fashion radar. As long as we have food and shelter and each other, that should be enough! I want to remind myself of this constantly, especially since I have a weakness for "cute" things, like the tiny wooden music boxes I saw yesterday. The best things in life truly don't run on batteries. =)

In other news, Earth Day is next Saturday!!

Cherry Blossoms

2009-03-26T08:56:00.000-07:00

Images via blissful

Cherry blossoms, or just any blossoms on trees, make me so inexplicably JOYFUL! =) I want to surround my life with such sweet and beautiful trees. I love other trees too -- the sturdy comfort of an oak, the whimsical dance of a slender willow, the crimson blush of fall trees!

I've spend the last few days catching up with my siblings and friends, and once again it occurred to me how close I am with my brother and sister. I strongly feel that it's the way I've been brought up. In Kuching, all my friends were extremely close to and fond of their siblings, sharing an intimate relationship that I don't find quite as frequently in America. In Kuching, brothers weren't afraid to show affection to their sisters, and sisters were best friends and mentors to one another. Here, I find that even those who are on good terms with their siblings are more likely to share information from their personal lives with their friends and peers rather than brothers and sisters. Two different places, two different attitudes! =) I highly value my friends, but I always find that it's with my siblings that I can be most like myself -- we share the same goofy sense of humor, appreciate the same sense of roots and history, and enjoy discussing similiar topics. At every chapter and milestone of my life, I know my family is a true constant. Hehe my brother is really tolerant towards me and (I believe) enjoys it when I'm singing loudly in the car or teasing him. =)

Today is what I call the "Chen-Chen Work Work" day, and I intend to fully catch up with my microeconomics and finish my problem set. Let's cross our fingers and hope that I really am that productive!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Drowsy Day =)

2009-03-24T17:08:00.001-07:00

Toblerone chocolate is SO GOOD! Delicious Swiss milk chocolate with honey and almond nougat! YUM! My mom bought taro mochi snacks, and they have a unique but alluring smell. Maybe I will try one eventually heheh. In other news, I am being the laziest little girl today, rolling around in bed listening to music and drowsing and snacking on chocolate and reading philosophy at the turtle-rate of one sentence per hour!!!

Spring Break 2009

2009-03-24T09:45:00.000-07:00

What is it about heights that leave a person breathless and awed? At the Coit Tower last Friday, I felt like I was floating above San Francisco and that the city was both distant and near at the same time. The homes and buildings seemed like little toys, miniature Legos stacked haphazardly against one another and staggered up the city's hilly landscape. I saw the world's most crooked road (Lombard Street?) twisting and turning vigorously into the horizon, and I even saw the UC Berkeley campanile from across the bay! Like Keith said, it was amazing to think that we were on campus just that morning, and that only after an hour of transportation by BART, bus, and foot, we were standing miles away, gazing at the Berkeley campanile which now appeared the size of a toothpick!

The hike up the Coit Tower was steep and exhausting, but the view was worth the effort. To see the city spread out in a colorful, textured carpet and the bay glistening in shimmering robes of blue... made me really happy. =) It was as if the whole universe had conspired for a wonderful day --light blue skies and tiny puffy clouds, cool winds but warm sunshine. Fisherman's Wharf was bursting with color and scents and families holding ice-cream cones and hot-dogs. It is such a picturesque little place, and I will never ever get tired of asking, "Is that a humpback whale?" when passing the Bay Aquarium, or skipping past the brightly colored restaurants and stores, or visiting the Chocolate Store (where I like to get chocolate covered marshmallows with M&M's). I like passing by the carousel and watching little kids bob up and down on their shiny horses. I like imagining what a funnel cake tastes like (especially with ice-cream and chocolate fudge). I like observing the tourists walking to and fro and wondering who they are, where they're from, and where they're heading to!

At Union Square, we saw a middle-aged Chinese man displaying tricks by the road and attracting quite a crowd. He could play a flute through his nose and make music using empty bowls and water hoses. I couldn't help but admire his courage and bravery to perform in public, and I thought of the hours of practice he must have used to perfect his art.

As usual, the day was never complete without buying egg tarts from thel little Chinatown bakery and then eating crepe with gelato (cherry burgundy) drizzled with nutella. =)

Highlights of the next few days: Hitch, "Waves of Mercy, Waves of Grace", Cookie Connection at Fentons, basketball and working out at the gym, watermelon and cantaloupe slushy. =D It was definitely a good start to spring break!